Dating and Sex: Through The Eyes of a 12-year old

We presently live in a technologically developed world...but is it necessarily a good thing?

This post was inspired by a conversation with my 12 year old cousin on Sex and Dating.

Two years ago, my cousin came over and asked me what an orgasm was. I was shocked, I asked her where she heard it. And she told me from her friends.

A few days ago, she told me in detail what her classmates do after school hours. Touching each other and kissing. And they are 12... Their hormones haven't even kicked in yet. What would happen if it does?

I have to say there is clearly a problem with "the social media generation".

My cousin went further to ask me that can she also join them...

I asked her "Join them doing what?"

She told me "Dating, obviously"

I said "What is dating to you?"

And she said

"Dating is when you agree to allow a boy to touch you and buy gifts for you. My friends say I love you to their boyfriends and their boyfriends do stuff for them such as homework and tests. Not only that, they are always together and chatting". 

"Sometimes,I see them and I also want a boyfriend"

And I asked her "What will you gain from having a boyfriend?

~You have many friends to talk to

~You can say I love you to your brothers also

~Your dad buys gifts for you

~You are smarter than those boys in class so you don't need their tests

So..what will you gain?"

And she said "Sex"

I froze. A 12 year old and sex. Are we going backwards nowadays???

I asked her "What do you know about sex?"

"Sex is when a guy puts his penis in a woman's vagina"

"Why do you want a guy to do that to you?"

She said "My friends said it is good because they have seen their elder siblings do it. I have also seen it on TV and the girls always like it".

I then asked her "Those you saw on TV, are they your age mates?"

And she said "Nope but my friends said that it will be painful if I don't do it now. And that those girls started from somewhere".

This is what my 12 year old cousin told me that day. 

Social media has gotten everything mixed up. People have turned dating and sex to something just for fun.

I asked a friend of mine"Why are you dating?"... And she said "Why won't I date, everyone is doing it"

The reason for dating is to get to know someone you have interest in marrying. Sex is for releasing hormones and reproducing.

When a child is 12 and thinking of sex, is it that she wants to get married?

Or which "hormones" does she even want to release?

Or which children does she want to birth at 12?

Try to create positive influences for your siblings and any youngster around you. They are the future...and having children at 12 is not the future.

That day I told my cousin

"When someone dates, they invest their time and energy into getting to know someone. Yes, sex is usually involved. But there are only three results of any romantic relationship:

Marriage: I don't really think you are ready to get married at 12 or even at 17. Marriage needs a lot of maturity, energy and patience.

Unwanted pregnancy: This is when you get pregnant during a relationship. And at your age,you can. Do you really want a child now,when you are a child yourself?

Or will you abort and risk having complications with your womb? 

And lastly, Break up: this is the most common end to relationships nowadays. Most people now get into relationships without marriage in mind so it will obviously end in break up.

The question: Why waste your time, your energy, your happiness and your money on a relationship when it would eventually result in a break up?

That boy you think is so hot now, so handsome, so cute. The attraction will fade. The beautiful talking on phones, the late-night chats. It's not special. He or she could be doing it with multiple people.

When you want to date, when it is the right time. You don't date someone for the chats or the gifts.

You date someone who would support your ambitions. Talk to you about your career and put you on the right path. You should date someone that will want the best for you, that will make you a better person.

That when things go wrong and there is a storm in your life. The person will be there, standing strong.

When you are confused, he or she is with you, every step of the way.

When you are down, he lifts your mood up.

When you fight, you guys find your way back to each other because you are each other's anchor.

That is the type of relationship you should aspire to have. At 12, it's not possible to have something like that.

Beauty will fade, Sex will get tiring, Money might not last forever. 

Sure, you won't see that person immediately.

You will have to eat breakfast (get heartbroken) a few times. However, don't settle for anything less.

Don't settle for the person that will give you incredible sex, look for that person that can help when your career is taking a turn for the worse. The person that will empower you and appreciate your efforts.

Don't turn into a live in housemaid or a sex toy. You have to be equal in a relationship.

At 12 years old, you are not ready."

I said that to my cousin. I don't think she understood completely but she told me she would wait. It would get tempting, peer pressure and social media pressures might shake her but as long as she keeps what she wants in mind ,she will overcome.

Sex and Dating in her mind has finally been corrected. I have given her the right impression. Even if you don't believe in all I said, you at least agree that sex at 12 is not ideal. Please give your children, wards and siblings the right impression on Sex and Dating.